Winter Snow, Aspenglow
by trek-grrrl
Summary: A Christmas tearjerker. Bill Maxwell doesn't do Christmas, and he tells Ralph and Pam why. Can his friends help him understand the reason for the season? COMPLETE.
1. Christmas Morning 1983

Chapter One.

Christmas Morning, 1983

Pam's warm kiss on the cheek awakened Ralph.

"Wake up, honey, Santa Claus came last night!" she whispered, laughing softly into his ear.

"Hmmmm," Ralph groaned, smiling and stretching. "'Morning, sweetheart!"

He felt Pam move next to him, and she plopped something down in front of him as he lay on his side.

"What's this?" he asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and sitting up.

"Your stocking!" she answered, smiling in anticipation of him opening it.

"Oh, wow!" Ralph said. He looked at her side and saw her own that he'd prepared the night before. "I see you didn't waste any time getting yours all ready. Glad you at least waited for me before opening it!"

"Of course! Our first Christmas as Mr. and Mrs. Hinkley, I wasn't going to ruin it."

Pam looked around, focusing finally on their big dresser. "Where's the camera?"

"I dunno, don't worry about it. Here, let's see what Santy Claus brung me!" Ralph exclaimed with glee, as excited now as he'd been as a child opening the magical stockings Santa would bring him.

Two hours later, reclined back on the couch in the living room, the Hinkleys gazed in delight at the ruin around the room. They'd lit candles and the Christmas tree, and even though it was a balmy 54 degrees out, they captured the illusion that it was a cold Winter morning lit up by the colored lights and warm glow of the candlelight. The litter and debris of opening all the presents lay strewn everywhere, adding color to the reflected lights and tree.

They didn't talk for a time, simply enjoying one another's company on their first Christmas as husband and wife. Ralph hoped that in the not-too-distant future, the ringing laughter of children would be added to this idyllic scene. But there was time for that, after all.

Ralph frowned and muttered to himself, as if he'd just realized something.

"What, Ralph?" Pam asked.

"I was just wondering something. Did we get anything from Bill? In the rush to open presents, I wasn't even paying attention."

Pam frowned too, thinking. "I thought you would've opened something, you didn't?"

"Naw, I didn't see anything. I mean, LAST year, sure, I could understand him not getting me anything, we weren't really GREAT friends then, like we are now. A lot's happened since last year, of course. I mean, I thought there'd be SOMEthing, wouldn't you?" Ralph couldn't disguise the hurt he was feeling. He was sure he and Bill were good enough friends to at least trade something for the holidays.

Sensing the change in Ralph's mood, Pam adroitly pointed out, "He probably just forgot, Ralph. You know when it's outside a 'scenario,' he can be a little dingy about personal stuff like that."

"I dunno, Pam, he didn't forget my birthday! He couldn't WAIT to give me that nice rod and reel he'd found at a swap meet. Granted, it was USED but it's a great model, still in excellent condition, and he knew it. Practically dragged me out the door to go fishing that morning!" Ralph smiled, remembering their fishing foray on the morning of his last birthday. They'd caught some good ones, and were done by Noon, soon enough to meet up with Pam and enjoy a birthday lunch together.

Pam's brow furrowed as she thought. "You're right, Ralph, he even remembered MY birthday! That's when he gave me that portfolio for work, telling me he thought of me "'cause it's all fru-fru like you dames like, right?'" She laughed at how he'd phrased it, but the fact he even remembered touched her deeply. It wasn't quite the thing for a professional like herself to bring to briefings and court, so she kept it at her office, in her desk, as her personal journal. It was simply too pink and flowery for a serious lawyer to carry around!

Ralph turned to look at the clock on the wall. "Hey, it's mid-morning, he should be awake by now. Let's call him, see what he's doing today!"

"Well, wouldn't he..." Pam trailed off, frowning again. She realized that for as long as she'd known Bill Maxwell, she didn't recall him ever mentioning family. "Does he even have family around here? Have you ever heard him mention anyone?"

"Yeah, he's mentioned his mom a few times."

"That's true, yes."

Ralph thought a moment, wondering if he should mention the wife Bill referenced only one time in their entire acquaintance and friendship. The fact that his best friend and partner had not elaborated on a wife wasn't lost to Ralph. He knew his friend enough to know not to ask, as close as they'd become as the team with the suit.

"Ralph?" Pam asked when she realized Ralph was thinking hard about something.

"Um, I wasn't sure if I should say this, but Bill mentioned a wife to me once."

"BILL was married? Wow, I didn't know! I thought he was one of those confirmed bachelors, being too involved with work to go for some 'dame!'"

"He mentioned her ONCE, during that whole O'Neil thing. He said, 'I never wanted anything like this, not since my wife.' At least I think that's how he put it. And that was it, he didn't go into any details."

Pam fell back against the couch, stunned. "A wife. Bill Maxwell with a wife. I can't even picture it."

Ralph tried imagining it too. "Hard to, isn't it?"

The two sat thinking for a few moments, then Ralph smacked Pam lightly on the knee, then pushed off her to stand.

"Let's go visit Bill, Pam! If he doesn't have any family around here, he'd be all alone. We can't leave him that way on CHRISTMAS, after all!"

"You're right, we can't. We might be the closest thing to family that he's got. Give him a call, tell him we're coming over to kidnap him for Christmas brunch."

Ralph dialed Bill's phone, waited longer than he normally would, then finally hung up. "He's not home! I wonder where he'd be on Christmas morning."

The two looked at one another, and knew the answer.

"He's at work," Ralph declared.

He tried Bill's work number, and another agent answered.

"Hi, this is Ralph Hinkley, Bill Maxwell's friend. Is he actually WORKING today?"

"Oh, hey, Ralph," the agent answered, recognizing his name and voice. "No, he's not in today. He always goes out to Harlan Blackford's for Christmas, it's a tradition for him. Wants to visit his first partner, since the old guy's got no-one in the area."

"OH, Harlan, that's right! I should've realized he'd be out there. Okay, thanks, I know where he is!"

"All right, merry Christmas to you then, Ralph."

"You, too, hope you don't have to work too long today!"

Ralph turned to Pam. "Let's get dressed and head out there. I think I remember how to get there, hope Bill and Harlan don't mind us showing up out of the blue! Let's pack along some of that stuff our families sent us to share, make a little impromptu feast of it."


	2. Christmas Day 1983

Chapter Two.

Bill and Harlan were enjoying a quiet game of Gin Rummy, using Harlan's special Braille cards, when they heard a car pull up.

"Now who could that be, Billy?" Harlan asked, turning his head so he could hear better.

Bill looked out the little trailer's main window and saw the Hinkleys' station wagon.

Oh God, he thought. How'd they find me here?

"Uh, it's my partner Ralph, Harlan, and his wife Pam. They were here that day I told you about the Diablo. Didn't have the chance to introduce everyone to ya, sorry."

"He's an agent?"

"No, he, um... well, he helps me with cases sometimes. They haven't given me a new partner since John was killed."

"Oh," was all Harlan had to say. He couldn't imagine why they wouldn't give Bill a partner; maybe he was doing well going solo, something agents rarely did but it happened on occasion.

Harlan rose to go greet the young couple.

Ralph said nervously, "Uh, hope you don't mind us dropping in on you like this, Mr. Blackford. We heard Bill was here visiting you, and, well, we thought maybe we could have a little Christmas feast together!"

He and Pam were standing outside on the trailer's little porch, holding their food and drink offerings. Ralph didn't miss the frown on Harlan's face when "Christmas" was mentioned.

Pam and Ralph looked around, outside the trailer and as much into it as they could, and realized there were no Christmas decorations up, nothing to indicate today was any different from any other day. Maybe they'd misinterpreted something about Harlan?

Pam spoke up. "We're sorry, Mr. Blackford, we were assuming you celebrate Christmas. I hope we're not intruding then."

The old man smiled softly. "No, miss, you're not intruding, you just took Billy and me by surprise, that's all. C'mon in."

They went past him as he held the door, and saw Bill at the little card table. When he didn't say anything, Ralph knew something unusual was up.

"Hey, pard!" he said cheerily.

"What're YOU doing here?" Bill growled.

"Merry Christmas to you, too, Bill!"

Nobody said anything for a moment, then Harlan moved to his kitchenette. "Can I get you two something to drink?"

"Well, we've got some eggnog here, if you could find us four glasses, sir."

"Done. Why don't you two take seats at the table? Maybe we can get some Pinochle or Bridge going, now that we have four."

Bill didn't say anything, so his first partner wouldn't know how angry he was at Ralph's showing up out of the blue. He, Pam and Ralph silently communicated to one another, the couple getting more and more confused, and not a little bit hurt, by Bill's attitude.

"All right, Billy, stop it," Harlan said as he returned with four small glasses.

"What?" Bill answered, startled.

"I know what you're doing, stop it," Harlan commanded him.

Bill's demeanour and attitude changed abruptly, as if he was a young boy being scolded by his father. To him, it was essentially the same, Harlan having filled that role for him for many years.

"Well..." Bill started.

Harlan motioned for Pam and Ralph to sit down, and heard the eggnog being poured. The older man raised his glass, as a salute, then took a sip.

Nobody said anything for a moment. Ralph and Pam joined Harlan in enjoying the eggnog, and both noticed Bill hadn't touched his, that he wasn't even looking at it.

Ralph reached into Pam's big bag and withdrew a little present. "Here, Bill, something Pam and I picked up for you, thought you could use it at the office."

Without thought, and without warning, Bill smacked the little present out of Ralph's hand, sending it flying.

"What the...?" Ralph exclaimed, jumping out of his seat.

"BILLY!" Harlan barked, "enough!"

He heard Bill throw his folding chair back, he knew Bill was about to go running out of the trailer, away from Ralph, away from him, away from the little gift lying on the floor.

"STOP, Maxwell, NOW!" he commanded once again, and Bill froze in place, too used to obeying his friend and first partner to resist such an order.

"Sit down, mister," Harlan continued. "It's time, Billy, you can't keep doing this every Christmas, year after year. You need to get on with your life. It's what she would've wanted."

Ralph was stunned out of the growing anger at Bill's attitude when he saw the pain and anguish on his best friend's face. He and Pam looked at each other, shocked by the way Bill seemed to have collapsed in on himself.

Ralph reached across the table with his hand, straining to comfort his best friend, not knowing why Bill looked so pained, only knowing he wanted to help.

"Bill?" he asked softly.

Harlan sat still, listening to it all.

When Bill didn't answer, Harlan did. "Billy, you need to do this. Talk to them. HE'S your partner now, he's your best friend. If you can't tell him, who can you tell?"

Bill sighed and put his head in his hands, not saying anything for what seemed an eternity. Harlan heard Ralph open his mouth to speak, and motioned with his hand to stop the younger man.

"He's got to do this in his own good time, Ralph. Be patient. You'll understand why."

Bill nodded his head in acknowledgement, still not talking. Harlan was right. If he couldn't talk to Ralph and Pam about this, he couldn't talk to anyone.

"Ralph... Ralph, I'm sorry I smacked your present away, I couldn't help it. I don't do Christmas."

"You don't?" Pam was incredulous.

"No, Counselor, I don't. And for a very good reason. 'Least to me it is."

He didn't continue.

"Billy," Harlan prompted.

Bill rubbed his eyes abruptly, let out a heavy sigh and sat up straight, looking Ralph in the eye.

"All right, Ralph, I'll tell you both why I don't do Christmas." He looked significantly at Pam Hinkley. "The year was 1955."


	3. December 23 1955

Chapter Three.

December 23, 1955.

Agent William Maxwell ran into his house, heading for the living room closet.

"Honey, where's my suitcase? Me and Harlan have to go," he yelled to his wife Ellen. He started flinging things out, rummaging for his old beat-up suitcase that he used when he had to go work on cases with his partner.

His wife joined him, watching his industry with an amused smile on her face. When she didn't answer, Bill turned to her.

"I always tell you when you get back, Billy, to remember where you put it! You do this every time you and Harlan have to run out of here! It's in the bedroom closet, still packed from the last time. That's something else: you never unpack! You'd leave those stinky old clothes there forever if not for me!"

"Oh, God, it's going to smell disgusting!"

He ran into their little bedroom, and started the flinging and rummaging again. He pulled the case out, opened it and exclaimed, "Whew!"

Ellen had followed him and laughed. "Oh, use mine then." She retrieved her own suitcase, which fortunately didn't appear feminine.

"Gimme those icky clothes, I'll get them washed and air out your suitcase for next time."

"Whew, thanks, doll!"

He took her case and started throwing clothes and personal items he'd need on this new assignment. He went back to the closet and pulled out a heavy coat, hat, gloves and scarf.

"Where're you going, Canada?" Ellen asked.

"Colorado. Got some bank robbery suspects holed up there, the tip came in this morning. Harlan and I are going in to back up some Denver agents, since we've dealt with these creeps in the past. Harlan knows their ways," Bill added, the respect and admiration he felt for his partner evident to Ellen.

"Of course, he's got that knack," she agreed. She liked the older man, liked how he'd helped Bill when he was first a rookie agent then when he'd been promoted to a full-fledged special agent. "So you're going to Denver?"

"No, some little berg called Aspen. Heard it's going to be COLD up there!"

"Aspen?" Ellen asked, her eyes lighting in anticipation. "Billy, I want to go too!"

Bill stopped his packing, standing straight and looking down at his wife. "Hon, you can't, me and Harlan will be WORKING! I don't need a dame tagging along!"

He reached out and patted Ellen's round belly. "Especially a dame with a baby!"

Ellen smiled, and put her hands over Bill's big hand covering her. As if in response to Daddy's touch, the baby kicked inside, making the two laugh. Bill paused, holding Ellen's blue eyes with his gaze, waiting for it... and sure enough, another kick was felt.

"They always travel in twos, don't they?" he asked, bending down to kiss his wife's abdomen and the baby inside.

"They do, yes. I told the doctor about it, and he thought it was funny. 'Got a live one in there, Ellen!' he said."

Bill remained bent over, talking directly to the tummy. "Sure do, huh, boy? My son!"

"Now, Bill, just wait and see. Might be a girl."

"Naw, I got me a real strapper in there, Ellen, I'm tellin' ya!"

Ellen pulled Bill's head closer, clutching him to her, then turned and held him in a headlock. "You going to let me come along, mister?"

Bill croaked dramatically, fighting the urge to laugh as he joined in on the game. "All right, all right, lady! Just don't kill me!"

Ellen looked up as her tall husband straightened up once more. He towered over her, being almost eight inches taller than she. He carefully lifted her and laid her down on their bed, sliding in alongside her.

"It'll cost ya, woman!" he murmured, nibbling her on the neck. He loved how playful she could get when he came home in the middle of the day, and it didn't take them long to find other things to think about besides an impending trip to Colorado.

After they'd made love, Bill and Ellen finished packing her suitcase.

"We shouldn't be long, this'll be enough, honey," Bill pointed out after Ellen went through, for the fourth time, all that they'd packed. She'd used every square millimeter available, and wanted room for more. "Why'd you want to go so desperately, any way?"

Ellen rapped Bill on the head. "Duh, Maxwell! It's almost Christmas, do you think I want our first Christmas with you in Colorado and me in California? Besides, I won't be able to travel at all in a coupla weeks the doctor said."

"Yeah, that's true. 'Kay, I don't mind. Harlan may gripe though."

"I know how to handle Harlan, don't you worry, Billy!"

Bill smiled. "Yes, you do, don't you? He thinks you're simply the living end!"

Ellen laughed at Bill's turn of phrase. "I AM!"

She leaned up, and simultaneously pulled Bill's head down to her, whispering, "Besides, it's a holiday vacation courtesy of the Bureau, all expenses paid! A white Christmas!"

Harlan did gripe and grumble when he saw the young couple approaching him at the airport, but a sweet smile and wink from Ellen stopped him before he could get well-started.

"Oh, all right, you can go shopping or something while we're working, Ellen. C'mon."

From the main airport in Denver, the three had to take a little plane to the tiny ski-resort town of Aspen. The single airstrip was covered with a fresh layer of light fluffy snow. Bill held Ellen's hand as she carefully went down the cold metal gangway to the tarmac. Harlan had stepped down ahead of her, in case she slipped, and waited for her, holding his hand out to take her from Bill.

One of the men unloading luggage saw the two men fussing over the gravid woman, and said, "Good thing you folks got here when you did, big cold front comin' in the forecasters say."

"Isn't this a cold front?" Bill asked, shivering. He was too used to Los Angeles to go from the warm weather to the blowing flurries.

"This? Naw, this is nothin', must be about 20 out. Almost Spring-like!"

"Whew," was all Bill could say as he took their very full suitcase. Harlan took his travel bag, and the three carefully walked to the terminal.

Harlan left Bill and Ellen for a moment, to go make arrangements to the chalet they were supposed to be staying at. The older man thought the cold front would be a good thing for them: it'd give them a chance to ferret out the robbery suspects, who'd be as socked into the little town as they were. Bag 'em and hold 'em in the town's jail till they could be transported to Denver for trial. He admitted to himself, too, that a white Christmas would be nice, but he'd never say that to Bill or Ellen.

"How's this going to look on the expense report, Harlan?" Bill whispered to his partner as they made arrangements for two rooms, not one as the Bureau had expected. It was a given that the two male partners would simply share a double.

"Don't you worry about it, Billy, I'll work it out. It'll be Summertime before they realize what's going on!"

Bill laughed, "You're right, of course. We can fish up an excuse by then, if they even say anything."

"Exactly." He handed Bill a key. "Now get your wife settled in, and meet me down here in an hour. The Denver contingent should already be here, I'll go find 'em."

"Right."

Bill lugged the heavy suitcase up to their room.

"I wish I could help, Billy," Ellen said, not sounding at all contrite that he was doing all the work.

"No, no, I'm okay, really I am!" he huffed as they climbed to the third floor. "You'd think they'd have elevators, wouldn't ya?"

"It'd ruin the charming feel of the old chalet."

Bill did as Harlan had commanded, and got Ellen settled in. "Now you lie down and rest, honey, I've gotta meet Harlan downstairs so we can work this out with the Denver guys. If you go out, be sure to remember your boots! They may have cleaned the walkways and stuff, but you never know."

"I will, I will, now go away and let me sleep for a while. Wake me up for dinner!"

Bill leaned down to kiss his wife. "Will do, I'll be back."

Before he left, Ellen yelled, "And be careful!"

Later that evening, the two Denver agents joined Bill, Ellen and Harlan for dinner, for all the world the fivesome looking like long-lost friends or family, the way they were carrying on.

Harlan leaned to whisper to Bill, "Glad these two guys are fun, Billy! We just look like old friends meeting in Aspen for the holiday, not on stake-out."

Having Ellen there added to the illusion, and she and Bill laughed as the older agents seemed to get loopier from the hot toddies. Someone watching them wouldn't know the drinks had no alcohol in them, of course; it was all part of the charade as the FBI agents observed the happy crowd visiting the chalet.

Ellen saw Harlan nudge Bill, and point to three men who came in. The men were looking suspiciously around, and satisfied that there was nothing untoward with the crowd, went to the bar to order drinks.

She watched as the four men went into action, continuing their cutting up and joshing around. Being the daughter of a long-time police detective, she knew not to interfere in any way, or act differently. She'd gone into the marriage knowing the dangers her new husband would face, and even though it could scare her, when she thought on it, she knew Bill and Harlan were professionals and knew their trade.

Being stuck in the chalet, Harlan was confident the men wouldn't be going anywhere. And, for a change, the forecasters were right: the agent looked out the big picture window of the main room in the chalet, and it was blowing up a frozen gale outside. The snow was dumping, in little hard frozen flurries, not big clumpy flakes as is usual in "warmer" snowstorms. A flash of lightning heralded the arrival of the colder system, and a huge rumble of thunder got everyone's attention.

The whole room seemed to pause, looking outside, even the three robbery suspects. After a second, the crowd began laughing and talking, telling tales of seeing such thunderstorms with snow blowing in lieu of rain.

Bill turned to Harlan, "Looks like Mother Nature's helping us along tonight, partner!"

"Yeah, they're so focused on what's going on outside, they ain't payin' attention to us. Let's keep an eye on them tonight, see what rooms they're in, and tomorrow we bag 'em. Then we've got Christmas here before we need to head back to L.A."

The four agents and Ellen hung about for another two hours, relishing the warm glow of the big main fireplace that people would gravitate to. When the suspects made as if to leave, Harlan indicated to Bill and the Denver agents that they should tag behind them a little.

Bill leaned in and gave Ellen a kiss good night. "Hon, I don't know how long this'll take, why don't you go on to bed? You look beat!"

"Okay," she said, starting to stand. Bill jumped up and gave her a hand, and led her through the crowd to the main archway. Several people smiled at the young couple, noting Ellen's condition and the way Bill was fussing on her, so obviously a new father.

"You going to be okay going up the stairs?" Bill asked, looking up the long staircases.

"I'm not weak, Bill, of course I'll be okay! Now gimme a kiss, and I'll see you when you two are done with the bad guys!"

He obliged her and gave her a long kiss good night, hugging her to him one more time. "I love you," he whispered to her.

She leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his torso, "I know, I love you too, Billy."


	4. Christmas Eve 1955

Chapter Four.

Christmas Eve, 1955.

Ellen awoke long enough the following morning for Bill's kiss good morning and good bye.

"Gotta run, hon, Harlan's here and said we've gotta go."

Ellen knew better than to ask; as talkative as her husband could be, he couldn't and wouldn't discuss active cases in too much detail with her.

"Okay, you do that and I'll be spending what little money we have at the gift shop and little stores nearby."

She raised her voice once more, "And you'd BETTER not forget a present for me, mister!"

"Yeah, yeah," was her only response as Bill disappeared out the door.

Ellen smiled at her husband's abrupt retreat and got up to start her day of visiting the nearby area. Fortunately the chalet was in the middle of Aspen, as mountainous as it was it could have ski runs almost on people's doorsteps. She knew she couldn't ski, of course, but she could enjoy the lovely scenery, if the continual snow permitted.

She ordered a big breakfast, silently thanking the Bureau for its unintended generosity as she tucked into it. Better to eat here, and not have to spend cash out in town, she reasoned. She took a long warm shower, fixed her lovely wavy blonde hair, put on her Winter clothes and headed out.

As she expected, she didn't see Bill, Harlan or the Denver men at all throughout the day. God only knows what he's up to, she thought as she passed a quaint little church in town. Being Christmas Eve, it was alive with activity as people inside and out prepared for Christmas Mass, regardless of the blowing wind and hard icey flakes around them.

She stopped to watch, standing on the sidewalk, when an older man spied her.

"You're welcomed to come in for a warm cocoa, madam," he said, noting her gravid condition. "Please, you look chilled to the bone. Come."

Ellen smiled at his kindness, but shook her head. "Oh, I'm not, um..."

He smiled at her. "Nonsense, the Lord cares not, all are welcomed into His house."

She went to him and said, "Thank you, you're very kind. It's so beautiful, with the snow and the lights, I'm half-frozen from standing and watching! Cocoa would be lovely, and a chance to sit down. I've been shopping all day and lost track of the time!"

"Yes, yes, you're most welcomed. You're visiting, then?" he asked as he led her carefully down the icey walkway. The rough salt they'd thrown on the pavement hadn't been able to melt the ice completely, as it was continually freezing and thawing in the blowing tempest.

"Is it that obvious?" she asked.

"I pretty much know all the locals in Aspen, we're a very small town, if you don't count the visitors."

"Oh," was all she could say as he seated her by the warm fire in the foyer to the sanctuary.

"You just wait there, warm up, and I'll fetch you a nice cup of cocoa to warm your hands and your bones."

He was gone for a few moments, and while alone in the quiet, light-filled entryway, Ellen looked around. She unfocused her eyes so she could blur the lights and the fire, enjoying the quiet and solitude. As if agreeing with her, she felt the baby kick inside once more, as if he or she was enjoying the respite from the cold and walking as well.

The older man returned in time to see Ellen rest her hands on her tummy, and he smiled down at her, handing the cup over.

"Your first baby, madam?"

"Yes, sir," she said, looking down at her belly, the inner glow on her face, as is common with pregnant women. She looked so graceful, so beautiful, that the man didn't say anything for a moment.

Like the Madonna, he thought happily. A woman with child coming into their church on Christmas Eve seemed as a gift from God, and he didn't miss the implication.

"A wonderful blessing, madam, for you to come through our doors this day, before we celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior."

"It's so peaceful here, I'm glad I stopped by."

"There are no accidents, madam, I'm sure the Lord guided you here. Is your husband visiting with you?"

She looked up finally. "Yes, he and his, um, uncle are out finding a gift for me. The shops are staying opened late, one shopkeeper told me, to accommodate the visitors to the chalet and other lodges."

The elderly man sat down beside Ellen, and they sipped their cocoa, not speaking. It was a joy to simply sit and be with another during this time of togetherness. Ellen may not be Catholic, but she believed that any house of God would welcome her, as the man had said, and she was comfortable in his presence. She'd take a break here a bit longer, then go out to find her husband. It was getting close to dinner time, so she was confident they'd find one another at the chalet.

The peace and tranquility of the foyer was torn by the sound of multiple firearms being discharged. The man looked up from his cup of cocoa to the young woman in time to see all the color drain from her cheeks. Before he could even respond, she'd thrown her cup down, shattering it on the hard cold bricks, and ran for the entry way.

Ellen took in the scene instantly: Bill, Harlan and the Denver men hiding behind a brick wall in the town, while the three suspects fired from their own cover.

"BILLY!" she screamed reflexively, moving out the door to the church. Her scream caught Bill's and Harlan's attention, and before either could scream for her to keep back, take cover, she was out and running.

Not mindful of the slippery, icey sidewalk of the church, Ellen gasped as she launched herself, going almost airborne, before slamming hard onto the frozen ground, her head first banging against the ice then her bottom smacking down, jarring her from the tailbone to the sternum.

As if in response, to keep anyone from helping her, the suspects started another volley of gunfire, pinning the FBI agents down.

The elderly man, in a burst of adrenalin, almost ran behind Ellen, almost caught her when she fell, but almost wasn't enough... he got to her just as she impacted, only in time to see her lose consciousness on the ice.

He didn't know what was going on with the gunfire, and didn't care; all he could do was loop his thin arms under Ellen's and drag her on the ground back to the foyer, using his adrenalin-enhanced strength as long as it took to get her out of the way of the gun battle occuring in the streets of Aspen, Colorado.

He looked around as he got her in, and saw people in the foyer, drawn as well by the gunfire.

"Father, what's HAPPENING?" a young woman cried, going to the two.

"I don't know, all I know is one of those men out there is this young lady's husband, and when she heard the gunfire start, she reacted instantly as if it didn't surprise her. I suspect she wasn't entirely forthcoming when she said they were visiting with his uncle!"

When Bill saw Ellen fall so hard, so abruptly, he started to bolt from cover to help his wife.

Harlan's strong hand stopped him, and he hissed, "MAXWELL! You CAN'T, they're laying down a carpet of rounds, you'll buy it!"

"I don't CARE, Harlan, lemme go!" the younger man screamed, struggling against the iron hold his partner had on his upper arm.

"If you don't stop, so help me, mister, I'll belt ya one!" Harlan said, continuing to shoot with his right hand while holding Bill with the left.

Harlan motioned toward the church with his head. "See? The old guy's helping her, now FOCUS!"

Bill retrieved his other firearm, that he always kept on hand, and started laying down gunfire with both hands, wild West style. Now, more than ever, he had to call on his expert marksmanship and get this battle over once and for all. Within seconds, with the hail of bullets from four FBI agents, the three bank robbers lay dead in the street.

Bill didn't look at Harlan, the Denver agents or the three dead bad guys. All he had eyes for was the church across the wide street through Aspen. Having seen his wife take a dive on the ice, he ran as fast and as carefully as he could, the adrenalin driving him on.

"ELLEN!" he said when he saw the people gathered around her. It seemed like an eternity to Bill, but only minutes had passed since he saw his wife go down. They had her lying on a cushioned bench in the foyer, a pillow under her feet to prop her legs up. Bill knew enough to know that was done for someone going into shock.

"I'm Father Francis, Mr...?"

"Maxwell," Bill said absently, not being able to tear his eyes off Ellen's pale face. The ashen look, the tightness of the skin was growing a kernel of panic inside him, and he took a deep breath for calm.

"We've already called the ambulance, Mr. Maxwell. They're quite experienced in driving in weather like this, they should be here in minutes."

Bill simply nodded, not being able to speak. As if in response, the distant whine of sirens got progressively louder.

Father Francis looked out at the aftermath of the gun battle. "Perhaps we should call more in, like the police?"

Bill reached into his pocket and silently showed his FBI badge and ID.

"I see. It all happened so quickly, we weren't able to discern who was whom, Mr. Maxwell. Your wife moved so fast I was unable to stop her, I'm sorry!"

"Reactions like a cat, she's got," he said, smiling down at her, wondering if she could hear his voice. WHEN she opened her eyes, he wanted her to see him smiling and confident she'd be well. And the baby too.

As if he suddenly remembered her condition, he looked down at the round belly and very softly touched her. She reacted convulsively to his touch, although still unconscious, and jerked upward.

Bill snatched his hand back, afraid he'd hurt her somehow. He didn't know enough about female anatomy to know how the hard fall would affect her or the baby.

The medics came sweeping in, and everyone moved aside except Bill. The medics took in the situation quickly, noting Ellen's vitals, pale taut skin and rounded belly.

"You her husband?" an older man asked, clearly in charge.

Bill nodded, not speaking, not tearing his eyes off his unconscious wife.

"Ride in back and give us her medical history," the man ordered, rising and expecting Bill to follow him with his two men.

Harlan yelled at Bill as the younger agent climbed in back, "I'll be there soon as I can, Billy! Don't worry, she'll be fine!"

The terrified look on Bill's face spoke volumes to Harlan. He knew for all the bluster the young man displayed as an FBI agent, that Bill deeply and truly loved his beautiful young wife. It pained the older agent to remember that graven look on her face; he wasn't too sure if his last words to Bill were true. All he could do was ask the Father to pray for them both, and be there with Billy if Ellen and the baby didn't make it.


	5. Christmas Day 1955

Chapter Five.

Christmas Day, 1955.

Ellen lay motionless in her hospital bed, still unconscious, as Bill sat watching her, holding her hand. He talked quietly to her, not sure if she was hearing and not caring. He had to say something, do something, he couldn't just sit there.

The only sounds he heard were the machines near his wife, monitoring her condition, and the howling of the wind outside. As if commiserating with Bill's and Ellen's plight, the storm had kicked back into full gear, the icey hard snow beginning to blow in huge drifts up to the second floor. He'd rather hear the sound of his own voice, so he continued the quiet monologue.

He looked up with red swollen eyes as the doctor came quietly into the room.

"We've got the X-rays back, Mr. Maxwell. We don't show any fractures of the skull, fortunately, but there may be some swelling of the brain. That would explain her remaining unconscious. As long as her vitals remain strong, we won't have to do anything yet. Didn't find any fractures in the pelvic girdle either. As for the baby, we've only got one obstetrician in Aspen, and he's already on his way. His service had a time tracking him down, but they finally reached him. Being such a small town, he doesn't have any patients currently, so it was a bit tougher to get him. You'd think being early Christmas morning, he'd be at home, but they found him at a late-night party."

"I understand, thanks, doc. My partner Harlan should be here any time now, can he come in too? I know it's after-hours and all."

"Certainly, I'll let the charge nurse know to let him in."

As if sensing the doctor's exit, Ellen suddenly jerked, gasping, her eyes flying open. Before Bill could respond, she doubled over, screaming in pain and clutching her lower abdomen.

Bill ran to the door to call the doctor, but the man had heard the exclamation down the quiet corridor and was running back.

"What happened?" he demanded, going to Ellen's side and lifting the warm blanket.

"She jerked awake and doubled over, screaming!" Bill wailed, looking between the older doctor and Ellen.

"Oh, God, NO!" the doctor exclaimed. He saw red seeping into the sheet under Ellen and a gush of fluid came forth.

"She's having the baby, Mr. Maxwell!" The doctor hit the panic button next to the bed, and within seconds a nurse and another doctor ran into the room.

"Premature labor, we've got to get her to the delivery room!"

Standing at the side of the bed with Bill, the doctor indicated to him that he needed to help lift Ellen to the gurney the doctor and nurse had brought in with them. The four did a rapid lift and soon the physicians and nurse were running out the door, with Bill on their heels.

As they tore through the door to the maternity ward, the nurse stopped Bill with a strong hand on his chest.

"You can't go in there now, Mr. Maxwell, the doctors will do whatever they can till the OB gets here! They need to scrub and gown, and you'll contaminate the field."

"PLEASE, that's my WIFE in there, my baby!" Bill tried to dodge the older nurse, but she was a professional in situations like this, with a panicked first-time father.

"You CAN'T, Mr. Maxwell! If you go in there she could get an infection, which will make it all worse! You've GOT to wait out here! Go to the waiting room, or go get a coffee or something. All you can do is wait and see. Once the OB gets here and assesses the situation, he'll fill you in. We've already called a pediatrician too, to help the baby if he can."

Bill stopped, convinced that he wasn't going to make it past this woman. He took a deep shuddering breath, and turned toward the waiting room she'd indicated. He sensed her following, and he muttered, "She's only six and a half months along, the baby...my son..."

He couldn't go on.

"It's a long shot, Mr. Maxwell, I'll be honest with you," she said from behind. "Just know we'll all be doing the very best we can, but for now, it's in God's hands."

Bill nodded and walked mindlessly away, too numb to pay attention to where he was going. He was stopped by Harlan's strong hands on his shoulders, his taller partner looking him in the eyes.

"Billy?" he asked quietly.

Bill looked up at Harlan, too overwhelmed to speak. His expressive face told Harlan a lot.

"Ellen? The baby?"

"She's losing the baby, Harlan," Bill managed to whisper.

"Oh, God," was all Harlan could say as he steered Bill to the fathers' waiting area.

Neither of the men could speak. Harlan quietly went to the cafeteria, getting himself and Bill coffee and something to nibble on, but Bill couldn't bring himself to eat. He sipped absentmindedly on his coffee, staring at the floor.

Their reverie was interrupted when a man ran past them, through the doors the nurse had barred Bill from entering.

"That'll be the OB," Harlan said reasonably. "I'm sure he'll fix Ellen right up."

Minutes behind the obstetrician, another doctor ran past and through the doors.

"Okay, one or the other was the OB, and the other the pediatrician. I'm sure we'll learn something soon."

The grueling minutes of waiting were interminable. Harlan tried his best to talk to Bill, trying to comfort the younger man, but there wasn't much he could do.

"Billy, I'm sorry, I..." he started.

Bill clutched his partner's hand, giving it a grateful squeeze. "I can't think of anyone I'd rather have, pard. Just being here is good enough."

Harlan nodded his head and remained silent.

The first doctor finally came out, leaving the specialists in to tend to Ellen and possibly the baby.

The blood splattered on the green surgical gown shocked Bill. He couldn't rise to go to the doctor, all he could do was stare at that lurid blotch.

The doctor went to the two men, looking between them.

"You his partner?"

Harlan said, "Harlan Blackford, yes."

The doctor looked at Bill, not sure how much he could discuss in front of the older of the two men.

Bill finally tore his gaze from the horrid stains on the doctor's gown, and stood up. "Please, doc, tell me anything in front of Harlan, he's practically family."

The doctor removed his surgical cap, running his hand through his hair, collecting his thoughts. He hated this part of being a doctor, but it was a necessary evil. He had to be brutally honest.

"Mr. Maxwell, the fall and jarring against the pavement did it, it triggered labor. She seems to have recovered enough from the blow to the back of the skull, it's one of the hardest parts, but the baby..."

He paused, and Bill gripped his upper arm. "Doc, PLEASE! Did we lose the baby?"

"The pediatrician is with her now, doing what he can, but he..."

"Her? A little girl?"

"A very tiny little girl, Mr. Maxwell. Not even two pounds. We... we don't have the means here to deal with such a premature newborn, and this storm is keeping us from getting her to Denver. I'll be honest with you, without the advanced machinery we need, she won't last long. And your wife..."

He stopped when Bill collapsed against Harlan, who quickly moved to support Bill.

"Bill, sit down before you fall down!" He turned to the doctor. "Ellen?"

"She lost a lot of blood, Mr. Blackford. Too much. The OB is with her, and the transfusion has begun to replace what she lost, but she's very weak."

"Can...can I go see her, doc? Both of them?" Bill asked, his eyes pleading with the man.

"Certainly, this way. They've been moved to the ICU for now."

Bill and Harlan followed, and they found Ellen semi-conscious in another room, the equipment around her beeping and whining as the obstetrical nurses continued to monitor both her and the baby.

Bill looked between the two, not sure who to go to first. Harlan wandered to look at the tiny newborn in her isolation bubble, so Bill went to Ellen.

He took her hand, and smiled at her when she turned weakly to him.

"Billy? I'm sorry, I..." she started.

"Shhhhh, don't worry yourself about anything."

She started to cry. "The baby, Bill, I lost the baby!"

Bill pointed behind him, to Harlan and the incubator unit. "She's over there, hon."

"She?"

Bill fought to keep the tears at bay, so he wouldn't alarm Ellen. "Yes, a little girl. Harlan's over there now."

Ellen wasn't stupid. She knew their daughter couldn't be long for this world. "Bill, we... we need to name her, we need to baptize her before she..."

She couldn't go on, the tears streaming down her pale face. Bill reached to wipe the tears away with a cloth, and looked over to Harlan. His partner had heard Ellen, so nodded his head and left to find the hospital chaplain.

"Ellen, the doc said they can't do much for her. The storm's socking their evac helicopter in, they can't get you or the baby to Denver."

She nodded her head in understanding, but said nothing. She turned her head toward where she knew the baby was.

"Serenity Grace," Ellen whispered quietly. "Her name is Serenity Grace Maxwell."

Bill nodded his head, accepting his wife's declaration for a name.

"When I was sitting in that church, and she... she kicked me inside, all I could think of was how peaceful and serene it was at that little church, a feeling I want to go with her when she..."

Ellen stopped, unable to go on, and as she silently wept, Bill leaned his head down on his hand that was clutching hers and softly sobbed to himself, letting the tears fall on his wife.

"Billy, be strong, it's the way it was meant to be. There're no accidents. Serenity will be here long enough for us to greet her into the world, then she'll be with the Lord once more, from where she came."

Bill couldn't respond except with a nod. He had to be strong; she didn't need the added stress of comforting her husband, when she was going through so much herself. He wiped his eyes on her blanket before sitting upright once again.

He tried to smile weakly. "You go and get religion on me, Ellen?"

"Hush, it's Christmas Day."

Christmas. How ironic. Celebrating a birth, and from what the doctors said, a death as well. And the storm raged on.

Harlan was back within minutes with the chaplain. The Maxwells told him what they wished, how they wanted the baby named, and the man went to the nurse.

"Can we hold her? Take her out of the incubator?"

"I'll check with the pediatrician, one moment."

The pediatrician followed the nurse back to address Bill, Ellen and the chaplain.

"Mrs. and Mr. Maxwell, to tell you the truth, in the incubator or not, she won't have long, not as long as we can't get her to Denver. Even then, her chances would be extremely limited. I don't see why you can't hold her during the time she's got."

The young couple nodded, unable to speak. The older of the two nurses carefully removed the newborn, bringing her to her parents.

Ellen gingerly took the tiny girl. She'd never seen a premature baby, didn't know how the skin would be so red and wrinkled. Serenity Grace looked almost transparent, not having any body hair as yet, not having the protective layer of white that coated full-term newborns at birth. They'd put a tiny little cap on her soft head to help warm her, and wrapped her in a blanket to simulate the sensation of being in the womb, but other than that, they could do nothing. They were simply grateful she was able to breathe unassisted, at least for now.

The minister took out a little vial of holy water, and performed the brief ceremony. He touched the baby's head delicately with his thumb, speaking her name aloud for all to hear, sending the blessing Heavenward.

"Serenity Grace Maxwell," he concluded. Ellen cried quietly, and Bill choked back a sob.

"Bill," Ellen started. "Bill, while she's here, we'll hold her and talk to her, so she'll know Mommy's and Daddy's voices when we join her in Heaven some day."

Bill nodded and sat down next to Ellen's bed. The chaplain carefully handed Serenity Grace over to him.

Bill's big hands engulfed the tiny girl as he held her before him, looking down at her. He could see her moving her eyes behind the sealed lids, and he cooed to her. He didn't even know if she could hear him. He looked at the pediatrician.

"She can hear you, Mr. Maxwell, if that's what you're wondering. New testing on fetuses is showing that the baby's a lot more responsive to external auditory stimuli than we ever thought. She may not respond, but her ears and her brain are functioning."

The neonate moved her head, and kicked out once, then again.

"Two kicks, like always," Bill laughed and sobbed at the same time. It was like his daughter was telling him, I'm here, Daddy, I hear you!

Bill and Ellen were so focused on their little girl that they didn't note the rapid entrance of another nurse, holding a folder and showing the OB. The two consulted silently while the Maxwells ooh'ed and aah'ed over Serenity Grace.

Harlan and the chaplain, who'd been standing unobtrusively nearby, saw the commotion and went to them.

"What's wrong, doc?" Harlan asked, sensing the change in mood.

Bill, hearing the concern in his partner's voice, looked to them all in alarm.

The OB looked at Bill, motioning for him to join them. Bill carefully gave the baby back to Ellen, who'd been propped back a little to make holding the girl easier.

"What is it, doc?" Bill asked quietly.

"Mr. Maxwell, we've been monitoring your wife, running blood analyses, checking her blood pressure. These tests have come back and, well, it's not good."

"Define 'not good.'"

The doctor took a long breath, as if gearing himself for the inevitable.

"Mr. Maxwell, your wife's lost a lot of blood, she's very weak, her pressure's going up and down. Her blood tests, and the physical exam I gave her, all point to the same thing."

Bill and Harlan looked at one another, then to the doctors and the nurse facing them.

"And?" Bill asked.

"There's a condition that can hit women, we've got no idea how it happens or what triggers it. It's called eclampsia, or commonly called toxemia of pregnancy. It's her liver and kidneys mainly. They're shutting down, and there's not a thing we can do about it."

Bill again staggered back at the news, and again Harlan was there to catch him.

"Shhhh, Bill, you're going to alarm Ellen," Harlan whispered as he helped his partner back to the doctor.

"What... what's going to happen, doc?" Bill choked out after he'd straightened up his expression, knowing Ellen could read him like a book.

The obstetrician looked at the two men, then turned to Bill. "She's not going to recover, Mr. Maxwell. Once the liver and kidneys shut down, the toxins will begin to collect in her blood, working up to her brain. That's one reason it's called 'toxemia.' I'm afraid she's not got long, new blood or not. Maybe the day."

"And there's NOTHING that can be done? What if the storm breaks, what if we get them both to Denver, what if..."

The doctor stopped Bill's string of "what if's?" "Even if we got her to Johns Hopkins University, Mr. Maxwell, nothing can be done. It's an extremely rare phenomenon, but once the liver is impacted, that's it. Short of a liver transplant in the next hour or so, nothing can be done, and even in the unlikely event a liver was available, which it's not, she's too weak for surgery."

Harlan steered Bill away from the doctor and that harsh declaration. He couldn't fault the physician; it's better to be honest and brutal than to hide any information. They went back to Ellen, who was cooing and chuckling at Serenity Grace.

Bill stood and stared at them, amazed how such a visit to Aspen could turn so terribly wrong. She'd come along so they'd have Christmas together, their first as husband and wife, and this happens. He was going to lose his wife, he was going to lose his baby. "It's God's will," many would say. All Bill could think was, To Hell with God. To Hell with Christmas.

He wouldn't dwell on that, all he could see was his beautiful wife and the tiny bundle she now held in her arms, not in her womb.

They sat quietly and talked, keeping observation over Serenity Grace.

Ellen turned to her husband, as if remembering something.

"It's Christmas, Bill! Where's my present?" she demanded in a weak voice. Bill didn't miss the unusual odor of his wife's breath, almost sickly sweet smelling. He didn't comment.

"Oh, yeah, here ya go!" he said, forcing a smile and reaching into his coat pocket. He handed her a long rectangular velvet box.

"Jewelry, wow!" she exclaimed, snapping it open. Inside was a long silver necklace, sparkling in the light of her hospital bed. The pendant was a delicate silver snow angel, wings spread as if catching downy flakes. "It's beautiful, Bill, I didn't know you had it in you!"

"Well, Harlan and me, we figured it out. With the lady shopkeeper's help."

"Here, put it on me, I want you to see me wearing it."

Bill obliged, reaching behind her, drawing in a breath of the vanilla shampoo she favored. Will this be the last time I get to touch her like this? Who would have imagined the last time we'd made love? I thought we'd have years and years to do that. The thoughts raced through his mind as he fastened the tiny clasp. He steered his expression to cheerfulness once more before he sat back down.

Ellen fingered the little pendant, causing it to twinkle and dance for Bill as he watched. The OB hadn't gone to talk to Ellen yet, about her condition; he wanted to give Bill a little more time with her before telling her grave condition.

Soon after giving Ellen her gift, the OB came up behind Bill, clearing his throat. It was time to tell her.

Ellen listened attentively, her eyes wide as she realized what the doctor was telling her. She looked at Bill, then at the little girl in her arms. Nobody said anything. Harlan looked around at the busy room, and finally motioned to the two doctors and two nurses to join him in the hallway.

He turned to the four.

"So that's it? We can't help the baby, we can't help Ellen, all we can do is sit around with Bill and wait for his family to die?" Harlan's voice was rough, with anger and sadness, for his partner and his lovely wife and the little girl that barely had time in the world before she'd be gone again.

"I'm afraid so, Mr. Blackford. The fact the neonate is even breathing still..." the pediatrician started.

"NEONATE? She's got a NAME, doc, she's SERENITY GRACE," Harlan hissed at the man, grateful to have someone to aim his ire at, voicing his frustration as well as he could without Bill around.

"Yes, yes, I'm sorry," the doctor said consolingly. He knew when it came to babies, ANYONE'S babies, adults could be quite sensitive.

"All right," Harlan said reluctantly. "You four wait out here, I need to talk to my partner."

The physicians and nurses weren't going to argue with this man who was on the thin edge. The OB simply nodded his head in agreement.

Harlan slipped back into the room, going to the young family. He stood behind Bill, not saying anything. Ellen saw him there and smiled, but remained silent.

Finally, Harlan said, "Would you two like me to stay? Till, um..."

Bill and Ellen silently conferred, and Bill turned to Harlan. "Um, pard, if you don't mind..." He motioned to the door.

"Right, anything you want, pard. I'll be just out there if either of you need me for anything."

Before he left, he reached down to Serenity Grace, touching her tiny delicate hand. "It was nice knowing you, little angel. Your mommy and daddy love you very much, and so does your Uncle Harlan. Keep an eye on us, will ya? From up there?"

Bill sobbed at his partner's words, but didn't turn to face him. Harlan patted him on the shoulder, leaned in once more to kiss Ellen sweetly on the cheek, saying his final farewell to her too, and silently left the room.

The hour dragged on endlessly. Bill didn't miss the change in Ellen, as she weakly held Serenity Grace. The baby was different, too, not moving as much. Her breathing was getting sporadic and ragged. Ellen looked down at her daughter, and fought to hold the tiny baby to her breast.

"Oh, Bill, it's... I think it's time," she whispered to him. "For us both."

"Ellen," Bill began, trying to hold the sobs back so she'd understand him. "I'll always love you, you know that, right? Till the end of time, the end of the world, I'll love you. You and this little angel we made."

"I know, I'll always love you too, Billy," she murmured, her head sagging back, her eyes closing.

"ELLEN!" Bill exclaimed, reaching for her. The wan smile on her face told him she was still with him.

"Not gone yet, just really weak all of a sudden," she managed to get out. She marshalled the strength to look down at their daughter.

"Take her, Bill, I want to see her Daddy holding her one more time before we go."

Bill took Serenity Grace into his hands once more. He was alarmed to see the newborn remaining still. He gave her a delicate little shake, saying her name, and she responded with a kick, then another kick. She took a gasping breath, and another, then she was still.

Bill paused, waiting for the tiny girl to gasp once more, but there was no movement, no indication of life in the little body.

With tears streaming down his face, he turned to Ellen, to show his wife that their little girl was gone, but Ellen too was motionless. Bill was stunned, too stunned to do anything for the first couple of minutes. The continual drone of the machine, indicating that Ellen's heart had stopped, did nothing to break him from his shock.

How did this happen? One minute they were a young couple with their first baby on the way, then suddenly Bill Maxwell was alone.

He didn't notice the door silently opening, with Harlan and the OB peering in. The machine had signalled the nurse's station that heart activity had ceased. There was nothing they could do, no crash cart in the world that they could summon to revive the young mother or the premature infant. All the two could do was watch Bill as he said goodbye.

They saw him carefully place Serenity Grace into Ellen's arms, and hold his hands there, supporting the lifeless body in her lifeless mother's arms.

"You two wait for me now, y'hear? I'll be there, someday," he sobbed, his head falling onto the railing of the bed.

The doctor slipped into the room and switched off the machine. The motion brought Bill around, and he looked up, his eyes so swollen and blurry from crying he could barely see.

"Harlan?" he said quietly. His partner was instantly by his side.

"Yeah, pard?" Harlan said.

"Can... can you take off her necklace? I want it for a keepsake. It's the best present I've ever given her, she usually hates the stuff I get her."

"Sure, Billy," Harlan said, reaching behind Ellen's lifeless form. He didn't bother hiding the tears streaming silently down his cheeks.

The chaplain, who'd heard that Mrs. Maxwell and the newborn had passed on, returned to the room.

"Is there something I can do for you, Mr. Maxwell?"

All the anger and frustration Bill couldn't express suddenly burst forth, and he stood to face the man. "Yeah, you can get out! You and your friggin' GOD, it's all God's will, isn't it? CHRISTMAS DAY, for crying out loud! What is that, some kind of JOKE?"

Harlan pulled Bill away as the younger man began advancing, almost threateningly, on the minister.

"BILL, come on, we've gotta get out of here. The orderlies are here. Bill, you know they need to do their work, like the pastor here is. You and me, we'll go somewhere to be alone, to talk, okay?"

Bill turned from the minister, having forgotten him for now. "Let me say goodbye to them both one more time, partner."

He went to them, lying so still and calm, a smile on Ellen's face. He leaned down to kiss her mouth, shocked how it was already growing cool. He touched his daughter's cool head once more, and kissed her as well.

"Wait for me," he whispered to his wife and daughter, and then he and Harlan were gone.


	6. Christmas Evening 1983

Chapter Six.

Christmas Evening, 1983.

Nobody spoke for several moments after Bill finished his tale. Pam cried silently to herself, wiping her eyes and blowing her nose on the tissue Harlan had given her.

The three men waited patiently for her to finish, wishing they too could weep as she was doing.

"So she...she'd be my age now, Bill?" Pam managed to stutter, looking up at him with her big grey eyes.

Bill nodded his head quickly, tearing his gaze away from her as he thought about what it would've been like looking into his grown daughter's eyes.

Ralph was stunned, unable to say anything. What could he say, after all? The mere thought of something like that happening to him, God forbid, scared him to the core of his being. And here he and Pam were exulting in their first Christmas together as husband and wife, right in front of Bill, when his best friend and partner had lost his family in the same situation.

Ralph went to Bill and kneeled down next to the older man, who was back in his seat at the card table.

"Bill, I'm...I'm sorry we barged in on you and Harlan like this, then, we didn't know, we..."

Bill stopped him with a sad smile. "You couldn't know, kid, but Harlan's right. It's been almost thirty years now, it's time for me to stop hating what's supposed to be a happy holiday."

He watched his partner, squatting next to him, for a moment. Ralph didn't say anything, and as they looked silently at one another, Ralph's eyes began to mist over.

"Now, kid, don't YOU get started too!" Bill said roughly, chuckling at the end of the statement to lighten the mood. "Me an' Harlan, we do fine on Christmas day."

"But to be together like that, like you were all those years ago, Bill," Ralph started. "Doesn't it just perpetuate it?"

"What, you want me to forget it?" Bill asked, his brown eyes flashing with anger.

"No, no, of course not! But ask yourself what Ellen would have wanted. She truly believed that she and Serenity Grace would be going to Heaven, and you'd be with them once more. Don't you think that too?"

Bill didn't answer for a while. Ralph turned to Harlan, who heard the movement. The older man shook his head, indicating to Ralph that he needed to continue being patient. This could be a break-through moment in healing for Bill.

"Over the years, with Harlan to talk to, the Big Guy upstairs and I, well, we've come to an understanding," Bill said.

Ralph waited, wondering if Bill was going to continue. When it was obvious he was not, Ralph said, "And that's something you REALLY don't want to talk about, right?"

"Right. That's between Him and me."

"Fair enough," Ralph said.

All this time, Pam was writing something down on her notepad. She didn't know what made her think of this song, but for some reason it stuck in her head, a sad and poignantly sweet song she remembered from the 70's. To this day, as many times as she'd heard it, it never failed to make her cry. It seemed to fit what Bill was going through.

She handed what she'd written to Bill, the lyrics from the last verse of the song.

"Bill, I hope you don't mind me showing this to you, but it came to me while you two were talking. I changed it a bit to fit your name, but I think this says it all, how you probably feel."

Bill silently took the scribbled lyrics from Pam and began to read. By the time he was finished, he was sobbing, not caring if his friends saw him or not.

I sleep alone at nights again,  
I walk alone each day  
And sometimes when I'm about to give in  
I hear her sweet voice say to me

'Billy, you know you've been alone before  
You know that you can do it  
But if you'd like to lean on me  
Take my hand, I'll help you through it'  
I said, 'Baby, oh sweet baby  
It's love that sets us free  
And I told you when the world would end  
Your love was safe with me'

"Pam, that says it perfectly," Bill managed to say.

She went to kneel by Bill, opposite of Ralph. The two younger friends put their hands on Bill's arms, giving him a loving squeeze.

"Bill, I could never replace Serenity Grace, I know that, but Ralph and I, WE'RE your family now! Him, me and Harlan. We're going to start a new Hinkley tradition, where you're going to join us every Christmas, okay? And Harlan too, if he wants to."

Pam and Ralph looked at the older man, who'd been remaining still, listening to the three. "I think that'd be fine, Pam, just fine. Gimme a chance to get outta this old trailer once a year."

"At LEAST once a year! Because then there's Thanksgiving, and the fourth of July, and Easter, and..."

"Okay, okay, you've convinced me an' Harlan!" Bill said, looking from one of the Hinkleys to the other. Surrounded as he was by his good friends, it was hard to stay in a sour mood. They were right, though: Ellen wouldn't have wanted him to continue like this, getting older, maybe wiser, but still living in the 50's one day a year, drowning in sorrow and self-pity. Bill had already taken a huge step, when he'd been involved with O'Neil. Now it was time to take the next step and begin enjoying the holidays once again.

Bill put his arms around Pam and Ralph, roughly hugging them to him, and chuckled. He had a genuine smile on his face now, which the two were happy to see. "I can't say I'll be through this quickly, you two knuckleheads, but I'm makin' a start, thanks to Harlan eggin' me on. But the evening's young, we've got a few more hours of Christmas to go. Whaddya wanna do?"

Ralph stood, as did Pam. "We'd originally planned on kidnapping you and dragging you to brunch. How about the four of us go to dinner somewhere? Denny's is always open. It'll give us a chance to work on that new Hinkley family tradition right away!"

Harlan and Bill were both agreeable, and were soon ready to join Pam and Ralph in the station wagon. As Bill followed the three out, pulling the door to Harlan's trailer closed, he started humming a tune.

Harlan, having such excellent hearing, recognized it first and chuckled. Pam and Ralph stopped, amazed to hear Bill humming at all, then they realized what it was: a Beatles song.

"I get by with a little help from my friends, hmmm, gonna try with a little help from my friends, with a little help from my friends!"

After they got Harlan situated in the front seat, with Bill joining Pam in back, Ralph leaned in to the station wagon and whispered to Bill, "And don't you forget it, mister!"

(Song lyrics in this chapter from the song "Rocky," by Austin Roberts. A one-hit wonder, which is both very sweet and very sad at the same time. To me, years and years later, it's just as sad and moving. Like Pam, I still cry every time I hear it. Heck, even posting the lyrics did it to me!)


End file.
